Regulators have determined that Jesus is ineffective against cancer, with no improvement in outcome as compared to a placebo deity.
Principal distributor Catholic Church Ltd (NASDAQ: INQSTN). has issued a prophet warning, but CEO Joe Ratzinger assured investors of the continued viability of the conglomerate's financial services and childcare businesses. It is understood that production of a next-generation product, codenamed Secundo Adventum, has been accelerated.
Representatives of other manufacturers, which have been locked in legal disputes over the medication since the patent expired in 1521, were unavailable for comment.