The real reason we aren't seeing much of Enda lately

As you know, our glorious future leader, Enda Kenny, refused to do a debate with other, lesser, party leaders on telly tonight.

The Irish Times frontpage from today:

Now, one might reasonably assume that the Irish Times is merely having a little joke with us. It turns out, though, that it's far, far more sinister than that.

This is Enda Kenny. Looks reasonably normal, doesn't he? Almost human, you might say. Admittedly, his prose tends towards that of a bad Markov generator, but these things can be forgiven.

Alas, you see, the thing pictured above is not Enda Kenny, but merely the EndaBot 8000, a device constructed by Fine Gael thaumaturges to channel the spirit of the real 'Enda Kenny', which is a dark energy being of great power and irritation. Sadly, during Cowen's downfall, Enda, unrestrained in its glee, allowed its attention to waver, causing its remarkable, humanoid-like-eque, avatar to blow a fuse. Everything we've heard since then has simply been the utterances of the loyal Fine Gael augurs whose normal role is to crudely translate the transcendent will of Enda into mad policy documents.

The Irish Times photo, then, is merely a case of over-ambition. The brave Times photographer took a photo of the dread entity at its press conference, then yanked the SD card out of the camera seconds before it melted. But, upon going live on the website, the image realised that it, a mere JPEG, could never adequately represent the glory and splendour of Enda, and auto-euthanised.

Someone from Fine Gael just posted this on Facebook; it is alleged to be Enda at an event of some sort, right now; far more important than a silly teevee show. Don't be fooled! This is clearly a cardboard cutout.