I have not the words

So Gawker can tell you about it for me.

Basically, a rather ugly past-it actor/model/banker took offence at being rejected on some pathetic dating site. I mean, how dare she! He told her all about his MENSA membership, and he's been in well-known movies like "Diary of a mad black woman" (really).

His website also gives us much other important information, like his shoe size (11, one assumes US), and height (6 foot). Tellingly, not his weight, though; for all that he goes on about his amazing sporting feats, he looks a bit, well, doughy.

Oh, I do love it when dreadful people make fools of themselves on th'Internet! The whole thing is so wonderful that I have finally given in and added the main Gawker blog (I already had Valleywag) to my poor, overburdened RSS reader.

Bonus cringeworthy nonsense; you can get tshirts with a picture of him and any of these wonderful captions for only 20 dollars. XL only (that vast, terrifying tent-like US XL tshirt size, one assumes); presumably his fans tend to be wobblebottoms. Roll the captions:

1. Mensa Member w/ Muscles

2. All this AND I'm Ivy League educated

3. I'm an 8.9 on Hot or Not

4. I can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs combined

5. I've had lunch with the Secretary of Defense

6. I live in a High Rise w/ a concierge

7. I drive a Bimmer convertible

8. I have been in 14 major motion pictures

9. I am a trainer on the side

10. You have to impress ME and meet MY criteria and standards

11. I winked at John Fitzgerald Page and all I got was a scathing email!

12. Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what you can do for John Fitzgerald Page

13. John Fitzgerald Page for President

14. I am going to the gym in 26 minutes

15. I'm not arrogant, I'm accomplished!

I mean, quite frankly, if it was me, I would just kill myself. He's never going to be able to go out in public again.