Thursday, November 29, 2007
Matt
I can't believe they're not links - 29th Nov 2007
A webcomic about The City in London. Feels a bit like Yes Minister.
Obsessively seeking geriatric Nazi. Sadly, not a personal ad.
From webapps to improbable energy sources; Google goes after coal.
HIGHLY IMPORTANT world news from the BBC.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
On Drug Reps
It's an interesting issue in general, really; drug companies in some cases entertain doctors rather lavishly, and have them listen to a talk about a drug. I'm unclear as to just how ethically acceptable the whole thing is.
Well worth reading.
Don't fear the printer
In my experience, you see, the normal response of a large printer to being turned on is to, first of all, print half a tree worth of meaningless diagnostics. It will then decide that it only wants to talk to clients via AppleTalk or something similarly unused, and, probably, that it has a paper jam, real or imagined. Lights of unclear purpose, always previously green, will turn orange or red. Error codes may appear. Manipulation of buttons helpfully labelled things like 'XTRN' and 'ZNFQ' may be required. Almost inevitably, the printer will decide that it would prefer that the next few hundred jobs be printed double-sided, in incorrect aspect, on US Letter, a paper size particularly beloved of printers.
And that is to say nothing of the print server, which has probably sat, unregarded and unchanged, since the printer was installed. In an older office, it probably runs Windows for Workgroups or something. It won't be impressed.
I know little of the waking habits of photocopiers, but I do know that the more modern variety of office phone, and presumably by extension fax machine, is inclined to be unhappy when power-cycled, and will spend a while hunting for IP addresses or similar.
As for computers, well, I have this image of a well-meaning person who has seen an ad, in a server-room. Urgh.
Saving energy is all very well, but it is not worth being eaten by a printer for. They are subtle, and quick to print a thousand pages of random ASCII characters.
Improbable Company Name - FlanCare
Flans repaired while you wait? What?
Killer Drag Queens!
Mr Panard [the alleged killer] is said to have long frequented the gay scene and worked as a female impersonator in the region, the paper reported.
And this is exactly why you should never, ever, make snide comments about those old trouts in the George.
Deja Vu
Monday, November 26, 2007
This month's search terms
- escortireland - An absurd prostitute-rating site I made fun of years ago.
- how to annoy people - Well, this blog is rather annoying, I suppose. Not sure how Google knew, though...
- zoho - A purveyor of awful webapps that I mentioned recently.
- blake southwood - An improbable entrepreneur.
- bilingual blog - Mais non!
- bigboobs - I'm afraid that I would rather disappoint.
- irish dirt - Eh?
- robert - I'm competing with Scoble, now!
- clothes sizes - But I'm not competing with him on these, thank God.
- ugly people - How very dare you, Google!
- ace internet marketing - Oh, yes, them. Lovely people, altogether.
- assembly area for evacuation by train - This rather inexplicable sign, I suppose...
- herons eat uk - Well, they eat ducklings, certainly. You'd need a rather larger heron for that, I suspect...
- "parent directory" porn -xxx -html -htm -php - I'm sure they were VERY disappointed.
- pussy leash - For all your cat restraint needs! At least I hope that that's what they were looking for.
- 12 inch blowjob - Eek!
- blowjob pointers - void *mouth, *penis, *gagReflex. You're welcome.
- chicken flavoured ice-cream - Sometimes, the Internet scares me. I do NOT want these poultry ice-cream enthusiasts visiting.
- crazy boys - I suppose one could say that I was an example of the genre.
- crystal ducks - Amazingly enough, I HAVE mentioned this one.
- datacomp keyboard - And this.
- digraphs and trigraphs - If you don't know, you don't want to know.
- dirty gay old men - I'm not THAT bloody old!
- elmo ornaments - I don't want to even think about this person's interior decor.
- freemason madeleine mccann - I think you have to be male to be one.
- genital enlargement - Right.
- hentai naruto - Some sort of horrible Japanese thing, I suspect.
- homeporn - Sorry, but no.
- homeopathology - This man died because he didn't have enough over-priced water!
- horrible food archives - Try McDonald's.
- how do I set the "dirty bit"? - I can only hope they are asking in an IT context...
- hunchentoot dreamhost - Don't bet on it.
- hunchentoot vista - Don't even think about it!
- impropable - Me spell good!
- inter racial toons - Ewh.
- is ratzinger gay - Well, he shops at Prada...
- klix vending machines hacks - Why would you want to hack one? They're awful.
- medically approved genital enlargement appliances - I probably shouldn't tell you this, but, what the heck... toasters.
- naughty bank - And if you buy a toaster with a credit card from this bank, you get a discount!
- naming leaves - Right, I know I'm boring, but there are LIMITS, okay?
- nsfw gallery - I just love how it's become a euphemism for 'porn'.
- odd job titles - I mentioned a while ago that various fast-food companies torture their employees with these.
- pictures of businessmen working - Kinky!
- sex in public toilets - No, thank you.
- strange porn - I think we've already covered that.
- the principle behind orthodontics - Vanity.
The perfect job for the ample gent
All very well, and nice salary, but I'd hate to see their health insurance bills!(How does this work, I wonder? Do they have a bulk deal? Why fish and chips, every day?)
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thank, Three on a Train. Thrain.
Apple Itanium Pro, anybody?
Now THAT'S what I call latency
Fruity Post
Best perk at work? Free fruit! (Okay, the coffee gives it a run for its money.) Great idea, probably pretty cheap, and, quite frankly, I'd prefer to have said fruit than be paid an extra couple of euro a month. I wonder is there an ulterior motive in driving down healthcare costs? :)
The fruit is all organic. Interestingly, this does have an effect; the apples are very, very nice, much nicer than apples you generally get. I suspect that this is because they are seasonal. Organic pears, on the other hand, can hang, as far as I'm concerned. There are also organic kiwis, a fascinating idea. Presumably, you harm the environment less in producing them, but spend a hundred times their weight in oil hauling them around the world... I have no comment on organic bananas, as I'm not a fan in general.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
The joys of Vista
PayPerPost for Digg!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
They call me Mr. Spamtastic...
Separate to this, but in the same time scale, seemingly automated processes on various systems are accessing a certain post, a few times a day. Hmm.
I would like to re-iterate my support for public execution for spammers.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Google's War on Spammers starts to bear fruit
The post linked above is interesting, because it seems to assume that Google won't dare penalise all blogs which pay for or are paid for links and reviews. The rationale is that if they did this, Google would lose a lot of content.
Nice idea, but it breaks down a bit when you look at the sites themselves. First, PayPerPost and similar; these are services which pay you for (generally positive) reviews of content, products and services. Blogs using PayPerPost fall into two broad categories.
First, there are the small, generally not very good, personal blogs. PayPerPost likes to babble on about how they're helping 'blue collar bloggers' when they try to justify their paying-for-deception business model. Someone should launch a service to help 'blue collar newspaper reporters', and bribe them to write nice things about disreputable companies. That would be entirely acceptable, no? Now, while these blogs are rarely very good, it is likely that the people writing them don't realise quite how deceptive they are being; now that Google has brought it to their attention, the more conscientious ones will no doubt bin PayPerPost. I don't really have any desire to read blogs written by people who think that misleading people for money is acceptable, anyway.
The second category encompasses the dodgier variety of get-rich-quick blogger. Afore-mentioned John Chow person falls into this category, while the author of the original post linked to is a wannabe. I see no earthly reason why anyone except another get-rich-quick blogger would want to read their tripe; the whole thing is terribly incestuous. Google can drop them all, for all I care. They'd be improving their search results by doing so.
Link sale is a little more dubious. I suspect that a lot of link sellers didn't realise at the time that what they were doing was really harmful. I'd guess that Google will go pretty easy on those of them who don't re-offend, though I suspect that buyers of links will be hit hard; I'm sure most of them knew very well what they were doing.
All in all, I think that this is a positive occurrence, and I hope that Google will continue what they've started. It can only lead to better search results for actual Internet users.
(All links on this particular post are, of course, nofollowed for your protection.)
Noted bulldog-ridden net celeb Calacanis needs help with grammar
- It demonstrates your open to ideas that are not your own.
- It demonstrates your care about the product and the people who engage it.
One of these things is not like the other.
Electro-tastic
Normal service has been restored
Monday, November 19, 2007
I'm a newspaper now!
Incidentally, that site is one of only two I've seen running the dreadful, awful, terrible Community Server thing. The other is TheDailyWTF, though I think it has now shifted to something a little saner.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Full Disclosure
Google and PayPerPost again
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Microsoft's web strategy becomes increasingly deranged
What on Earth were they thinking of? Terrifying. The bloody paperclip will be in Hotmail, next.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Exciting new Three broken-ness
DNS worked fine (and in fact, was unusually fast). It was possible to (apparently) make connections to remote sites; said connections happily ignored anything sent through them, though. I suspect, possibly, that the connection from Three's traffic-shaping thing to the outside world died, or something of that nature.
Bah. The sooner I can get DSL, the better.
Fun with MySQL Proxy
MySQLProxy is a piece of software which sits around pretending to be a MySQL server, and relaying your requests to a real server or servers. Sounds horribly tedious, right?
Well, there's a bit more to it than that. It has Lua, one of those scripting languages which people delight in embedding everywhere, embedded in it. You can write Lua functions which are called when a query is received, for instance, and allow you to send back a response, make modifications to the query, make additional queries, at all. This makes it incredibly powerful.
How so, you might ask? Well, first of all, here is a terribly simple little function which simply adds a custom command to MySQL.
function read_query(packet)
if string.byte(packet) == proxy.COM_QUERY then
local query = string.sub(packet, 2)
if string.match(string.upper(query), '^s*SHOW MAGSDATA') then
proxy.response.type = proxy.MYSQLD_PACKET_OK
proxy.response.resultset = {
fields = {
{
type = proxy.MYSQL_TYPE_STRING,
name = "Inventions",
},
{ type = proxy.MYSQL_TYPE_LONG, name = "Execution count" }
},
rows = {
{
"Soft ice cream!",
abc
},
{
"Poll tax",
abc
}
}
}
abc = abc + 1
return proxy.PROXY_SEND_RESULT
end
end
end
From the user's point of view, the server behaves exactly like the underlying server. Except, of course, when they type SHOW MAGSDATA;. If they do that, then it will never get to the server; instead, it will give back a result-set containing a few things that Margaret Thatcher kinda-sorta-invented, and a count of how many times the query has been executed on a given connection.
Okay, how is that useful? Well, okay, it isn't, but it does show a bit of what you can do with the proxy; you can detect and parse interesting queries (the package actually includes a query tokenizer and parser, to make this easier) and send back data of your own. Fine, fine, but why would you want to do that?
Well, imagine yourself in these situtations.
You are a network administrator for a hosting company. The horrible, disgusting, putrid users insist on writing their own amateurish PHP scripts which access your database. Amongst other things, they like to select the entire contents of a table, then use the first couple of results and discard the remainder. This works fine on their home machine with ten rows, but not so well on your machine with a million.
Solution: use MySQL Proxy to add in a large 'LIMIT' constraint to queries which don't already have one.
Your company has recently purchased the Margaret-tron 6000 instant messaging system, which stores every message sent in an inbox table under the recipient's user id. This is fine with ten users, but less fine when thousands of messages are being sent every second. You don't really care if messages are lost when the computer goes down.
Solution: use MySQL Proxy to hijack requests to the table, putting the messages in Memcached or similar.
Emboldened by the success of their last purchase, your company purchases the Margaret-tron 17000.6 enterprise content relations fax-enabled transglobal management system, with optional coffee-machine control plugin. Once more, it worked fine for ten people, but now the poor database machine is groaning under the load. You want to partition the database, but (of course) the software doesn't support that.
Solution: Intercept requests, using MySQL Proxy. Send queries going to the 'blogs' table to server1. Send queries going to the 'cappuccino' table to server2. And so forth.
You discover that the biometric access system, bless its little heart, keeps full retina scans for all employees on a database server, and, when an employee attempts to enter, pulls the megabyte-sized file across the network, updates it, and sends it back. Database is dying, requests are taking weeks, etc. The previous trick won't work, because there is only one table.
Solution: Intercept the request. If the userID mod <number of servers> is 0, send to server 0. If 1, send to server 1. Etc.
The device which accurately tracks user movement throughout the building likes to send updates of employee positions, for each employee, every half a second. These are immediately shoved into the database. Of course, it would be much faster if they were inserted in batches, but you don't have access to the application source to change this.
Solution: Collect INSERTs in the proxy, not allowing them to go through to the database. When you accumulate X INSERTs, send them as one multi-value INSERT.
Your third-party forum thing needs to be integrated into afore-mentioned Margaret-tron kitchen sink software. Of course, they use different login systems, user profiles, et al.
Solution: Rewrite requests from forum to login system, requests to get profile data, and so on.
Client app likes reading 200 values out of a configuration table of 200 values, one by one. (Wordpress used to do this.)
Solution: Read them once, then send them back from memory when asked for.
Web development team needs to access Big Scary Important Machine, but is uncomfortable with things like web services or CORBA or carrier pigeons or whatever (or even the required goat sacrifices have not appeased the PHP CORBA module).
Solution: Give them a nice, friendly MySQL-like interface to it.
You need to test that your new application responds to things like slow query responses and obscure MySQL errors (666, computer possessed by Satan and so forth). These don't often occur naturally, and are difficult to provoke.
Solution: Fake them with the proxy.
Your transactions occasionally deadlock, and you don't want to add retry code to the five million places in your application where it is required.
Solution: Add retry code in the proxy layer.
Obviously, some of these circumstances are at least a little contrived, and most would require a certain amount of caution and knowledge of the applications involved, but hopefully you can see how this could be so useful.
The most obvious use case seems, to me, to be tacking a capability or optimisation onto an application which you either can't change or don't want to change. But really, the possibilities are endless, and I look forward to playing around with it.
By the way, as far as speed goes, it doesn't seem to introduce any significant slowdown running on a G4 iBook, though I haven't done proper load testing.
More on Lidl
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Argh
Monday, November 12, 2007
iPhone set for failure?
Paid Linking
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The problems with having a moral stance
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thanks, Apple. Thapple.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Me am eloquent!
"One single reason explains it all, and that's that this man killed
her," said Alameda County district attorney Paul Hora as he pointed at
Reiser.
You'd expect a bloody district attorney to be able to string together a sentence, surely? A DA in California, at that; I wouldn't be so shocked if he was from Utah or similar.
While I have no comment on whether Reiser was a murderer or not, he's a scary bastard!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Dodgy Facebook Ads
I saw my first new Facebook ad today. I was unimpressed. It leads to this, a website called 'Ireland Free Stuff'. Ireland Free Stuff is a place where you can sign up for decidedly non-free text message alerts, and things.
This is particularly dubious. The text? "Free PS3 - Enter you mobile number here to win a PS3!" It leads to a site where you can sign up to a service where you're sent six text messages a month, at 2 euro each; to have to text STOP to a number to get out of it. You've got to read the fine print to find out that you're going to be charged at all. Under the circumstances, I find "Free PS3" to be highly deceptive. What is free about this?
The other free services are free for a similar value of 'free'. One involves signing up to pay 15 euro per week for ringtone delivery, the other involves paying 15 euro a month for games, screensavers and other such crap. The free bit? Why, you get a free ringtone or game at some point during your first week! You know, that week you're paying 15 euro for? I'm sure you're just dying to sign up.
I find the whole thing highly misleading, and am disappointed that Facebook doesn't have better quality control.
The worst of it? Facebook is open to people aged 13 years or up. There's no easy way to tell whether this ad is shown to people under 18, but if it is, I have no doubt that a lot of kids will be duped into paying absurd amounts a month, thinking they're getting something for free. Typically, apparently, kids don't notice that they're actually being charged for this sort of crap until their phone credit runs out.
I'm bloody disgusted, is all I can say. No doubt they will get away with it, however; I don't think that this sort of thing is, strictly speaking, illegal. The site was registered a month ago, by the way, presumably for the express purpose of taking Facebook traffic.
More on why I can't get guys
As I have issues with looking directly at people, often, I may be screwed.
Bah. Silly psychologists.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Silly Spammers!
Paid to lie
I Can't Believe They're Not Links - 6th November 07
Monday, November 5, 2007
Premature optimism on ITER
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Self-confidence
Spammer Jailed
Leopard, a few hours on
- It feels faster than Tiger. May be imaginary...
- Non-beta Safari 3 has a number of improvements over the beta.
- Spotlight works better.
- Clever little things like 'all files modified today' accessible as smart folders.
- Stacks are actually pretty handy.
- Pretty!
- Front Row is way better than the old one. Really. It's not comparable.
- Wireless menu no longer takes ten seconds to appear.
- As previously mentioned, Terminal has been much improved.
- Spaces could be nice, though I haven't used a multi-desktop interface in years.
- Cool default desktop background.
- Address book and similar launch faster.
- Broke LispWorks Personal and my old X11 emacs. I'm looking into Aqua and Carbon Emacs ports; I may end up installing a new X11 one.
- The interface looks a bit wrong. I suspect I will get used to this; it's mostly just that it's different from the old one.
- Cisco VPN client (a not completely new version) doesn't work. Apparently the very newest version does.
- Annoying 'this application is from the Internet' thing, a la Vista. I suppose it's for security, but I don't care for it.

- Sound occasionally stops working; apparently, this happens to a lot of iBook users.
- None. It's an Apple product; what did you expect?
Snap-tastic
Aaaah, just realised something.
Leopard
Overall, I'm very impressed. Just about everything seems to work, even things like OpenMCL, which I was initially worried about. My X11 Emacs doesn't work, for some reason, but it was quite an old version; hopefully 22 will when I install it.
Everything seems pretty fast, as well. The new dock is nice, and I love the new terminal; it has tabs, and, at last, just one preferences window; the old one, for no particularly obvious reason, had two, one of them extremely confusing.
I was also impressed that it runs so well on my old G4 iBook. I suppose I can hold off on getting a Macbook for another year or so, now. :)
More awful job titles, from Tricon Global
I thought that "sandwich artist" was about as bad as you could get. Oh, how wrong I was.
Yum Foods, formerly Tricon Global (really), calls its workers "customer maniacs". Scary article here.

It may just be me, but isn't there something horribly depressing about American companies' obsession with 'the customer'? The whole 'customer is always right' thing seems to be bordering on a religion for the giant companies, and this sort of nonsense is surely pretty demeaning for the 'customer maniacs' themselves?
Of course, maybe I'm a cynical bastard. Maybe people love being called 'customer maniacs'. Who knows?
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Breaking mad people news - God Hates Fags vanishes
I'm sure that they will be back, but in the meantime, what on earth will we do without a counter telling us how many days the Queen Mother has been in hell?
By the way, a pagerank of 5 isn't actually that impressive; this site has a pagerank of 5, and it's totally irrelevant!
In the 21st century, Python will be too cheap to meter
Python programmers, however, are a bit of a shock. When it comes to it, you see a whole lot of horrendous Java and C# code, whereas most Python code you see seems to be decent enough. I'm not entirely sure why this is so, but it certainly seems to be the case. Your average Python programmer is simply better than your average Java/C# programmer. Part of the reason may be that Java and/or C# is actually taught in a lot of university courses today, whereas anyone who is working in Python probably learned it because they were interested in programming.
As a sort of programmer-of-all-trades (I do a fair bit of Erlang, Python and C++ stuff, and also some database-y things) I'm not entirely sure where I'd fit into that report, if at all. :)
Ace Internet Marketing - content theft with a twist
Anyway, what they seem to be doing is taking articles from elsewhere, and (possibly mechanically) replacing keywords with words of similar meaning. This is a very commonly-used technique for fooling spam filters, and to a lesser extent (it's generally no longer effective) of fooling Google into thinking that your duplicate content isn't duplicate. Once more, these guys ooze class.
They have just posted to their blog again; seemingly an article they wrote themselves this time! I think I see now why they were so keen to use other peoples' articles... Ironically, the article is about their SEO services; have they tried typing their own name into Google lately?
Friday, November 2, 2007
What do poppies and sex have in common?
GMail...
In other wacky GMail news, most of the ads coming up on my work email (I work for a technology company) are currently Google recruitment ads. Surely this is at least bending the whole "don't be evil" thing a bit? :)
The story of Wasabi
Well worth a look, if you like this sort of thing.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Ace Internet Marketing - How not to manage an Internet publicity crisis
Now, this is an Irish company which does Internet marketing. With that in mind, is it really a great idea for them to start attacking blogs which are read by just about everyone in the Irish Internet industry? The correct response would, of course, have been to remove the article, apologise publicly and profusely, and attempt to make amends. Providing evidence that the other republished content on their blog was published with permission might be nice, too. Some of it seems to be gone, now, but this article, at least, seems to be a mutilated version of one which appears in a few other places on the web, and has no attribution whatsoever; a casual visitor would think that Ace wrote it themselves. Others also seem to be from elsewhere.
In the comments on Damien's article, you will notice frequent postings from someone called 'Paul', who appears to be taking Ace's side in this, and accused me of making derogatory comments without foundation; he didn't bother to tell me what these were, and as far as I can see I didn't make any.
Interestingly, both Damien's and Daithi's blog (the other prominent blogger mentioned) are currently being spammed manually (on the articles about Ace only) from what seem likely to be compromised dedicated servers in the US and UK. Daithi's site, at least, seems to be currently having trouble; heavy comment spam can still act as a DDOS.
The first spam comment (unlike the others, this one was from an Eircom address, 86.43.127.141, which, interestingly, was used to access my blog, linking through from Damien's post, some time before the spam attack started):
Hello there ,
someone has asked me to flood this website with spam !. my pleasure.
welcome to my list guys !
Another is from 'shite blocker'; as far as I am aware, 'shite' is more or less an Irish term.
Obviously, it's not at all clear who is behind this, but it is extremely worrying. Other blogs which mention the issue are apparently also being spammed; mine has so far escaped.
More coverage from Daithi, under a rather delightful title. A little more here.